Horshie in a nutty shell

I wrote this yonks ago after my visit to see my youngest brother in Horshie and never posted it… so here it is;

Baa-Baa..Sheepies! How are you my little friends?

Time to blog. Again it has been awhile but this demanding lifestyle has exhausted me. Mostly  physically but I’m going to say mentally because I have a lot of trouble saying simple things… So I find myself just stopping mid sentence because;

1. I can’t remember what I was saying
2. It’s probably not worth it.

So last weekend I went to watch my brother play footy. In Rupanyup, a small town not far from Horshie (Horsham). Due to the drive i decided it would be a good idea for a Horshie sleepover. Which enabled me to enjoy some beverages The beverages lead to UNEASY night. I will get to that later…

Right now I just need you to know my Saturday diet first… It’s not as good as the time I ate two chicken schnitzels with chips and salad in one sitting but its still impressive.

On Saturday I ate;

• One egg and bacon muffin made at home
• 3 sausages rolls consumed over the afternoon at the football
•  1 large Hawaiian pizza for dinner (one slice was left)
•  3 potato cakes for the way home

OKAY so I totally binged!

It was cold and the footy was not much chop... MMM...Chops!
JOKES! I hate chops. Dad used to cook me chops all the time when mum wasn't home and I never had the heart to tell him I didn't like them... So for 18 years I pretended to like chops until one day i came clean. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He told me I was an idiot. I tend to agree

Okay so enough about food. Lets talk Horshie night life… Horshie night life is bogan meets convict.

At first we got there and crowd was a bit light on… but the pub which had a ‘dj’ who literally had his ipod on shuffle for his massive playlist of 11 songs. Actually that’s probably a bit harsh he was really cool. He put a techno beat behind ‘run to paradise.’ - I know it's hard to gauge the sarcasm coming out of my mouth when it 's written. But its full on.

The crowd consisted of men… Actually I’ll say boys because they were lucky to be over 18 the majority of them. They were my height or shorter. Maybe that’s because there isn’t much to choose from out there and their parents are related?

The boys had skeg shoes, white belts and were quite jerky and ferocious in their greetings to their mates. One man in particular had a Mohawk type arrangement with shaved lines on the side of his head. He was sticking out his jaw and being rather aggressive. He made quite the exit pulling himself out, punching a wall and yelling, “ WHAT DID I DO C-BOMB?!?!” Now obviously he did not say C-Bomb but I do not feel nice writing the word. So I replaced it with a more appropriate word that and it's up to you to choose whatever c word you would like to fill the gaps. I filled the C-BOMB space with chubby. The bouncer could of stood to lose a few extra pounds... 'No offence or anything'

THEN there was the boy who was unable to walk without assistance or keep up his head for that matter. Actually he couldn’t even muster a head lift for the giant chunky spew he left on the ground – the one everyone was walking through and no one managed to clean it up. The spew that was on the ground 4 hrs later, stone hard on the carpet when the lights came on. Yeah that one.

THEN there was the boy we nicknamed “Fishy.” Fishy you ask?... This is due to the fact he fell over and was unable to stand nor get his legs to work.He just sort of laid there with his hands flapping around trying to get up – much like a fish out of water (if the fish had been on the bank for an hour and was in his last stages of life).

So when we left there it was the most comfortable we felt. 

That was an experience I will not forget.

YOUR THE BEST, RACHI METS xxx