Bloggy #7. Life lessons learnt whilst under the influence

New topic for Bloggy McBlog-Blog #7. Why not start with an opening quote…

Sometimes I wake up feeling like Phil (from the Hangover) thinking, Where's my friend Doug?" even though Rach is more like Allan. (Rhiannon Clohesy: 2011)

I’ve come up with a topic spurred on by events that happened in the early hours of Saturday  in Torquay. ‘LIFE LESSONS LEARN WHILST UNDER THE INFLUENCE!' I was most obviously under the influence in 2009 - when I started university and discovered drinking. I however still occasionally like to dabble in stupidity every now and again.

I and a few of my wonderful girlfriends thought it’d be great to get away for the night. So off we headed to Torquay. I was not well (not hung-over not well, like I ate something bad or had a bug not well). They headed out I tried but failed and came back to the hotel and went to sleep. They got back ~1.30am and said house party, I thought yeh I feel heaps good let’s do it. Long story short for some reason I thought I’d suck a cup to my chin and see if people could pull it off without twisting – I was awesome at it and they couldn’t do it. Don't get me wrong it hurt a bit but I pushed through and quickly forgot about it.

'Cup Suctioning Game'

…Until the next day when I’m driving home and there is a blue mark on my chin. What the? Oh no! It can’t be! Yep…oh no…uh huh. Yes I have managed to suck so hard I inevitably gave myself a  giant, tender, hurty (good hurt, like the bruise hurt) hickey. Right on my face for the world to see! Yes one of my finer moments in life, I may be 21 but I still have life lessons to learn.

'Cup Suctioning Game' gone wrong

Other lessons learnt;

• Do not put temporary tattoos on your head. Even though the tattoos are free and it sounds like an awesome idea, it’s not. They do not come off easy and steel wool on the forehead is not relaxing (funnily enough this happened in Torquay and District too).

This doesn't even deserve a caption

• If it’s hot don’t go running up to everyone saying you have the most amazing party trick in the world. Mine – OMG I can stick my I.D. to my forehead! Yes it’s a better idea than a temporary tattoo but when there’s photo evidence  it's clear was 10 times worse than you thought. If you’re sure you want to impress strangers with your party trick… rope in a friend. To prove you have friends (Yes I see how it may not be a party trick cos everyone else can do it too).

Yes it is black and white cos its 10 times worse in colour.

• I am easily encouraged when drinking. Far too easy. Yes I need to rein that in… So it’s more a lesson for my friends not to challenge me. Cos ill win…at any cost. Maybe the cost of my memory, but a win’s a win!
• Money still has a value when you’re drunk. Everybody my shout! Worst saying in the whole world. I’m so poor! It’s like taking from a hobo. Haha. But honestly I am starting to spend my money more strategically.
• Water when consumed with alcohol is a savior. I don’t get chuck sick I get headache sick but when I drink and have water it’s like liquid gold. What is also liquid gold (for another reason) - the Moscato I bought the other night - $16.00. What a rip! So I drank it anyway and it was amazing but $16.00 is $11.00 too much.
• As annoying as I am. I’m glad I’m a happy, affectionate drunk. If you’re aggressive stop drinking. You’re a pest and nobody likes it and nobody tells you cos you’ll hit them. Except me when I’m drunk and I lack any filter.

E.g. Scary man who showed us his working with children’s card and mentioned how easy it was to get (and gestured very inappropriately – it was disgusting and horrible, clearly off his chops). I may have said, “WOW YOU HAVE A MASSIVE HEAD, DO YOU HAVE TROUBLE BUYING HATS?” Yes we may have lost our lives right then and there to the aggressive shouldn’t be working with kids man. Phew!

Other lessons I haven't learn but are still important;

• Stealing is never okay. When you’re drunk it seems funny. If you wake up with a pool ball in your clutch return it when you’re next out. Be subtle. You don’t want to be known as the ‘pool-ball-girl-thief.’
• Swearing. Yes it far easily to roll profanities off your tongue after beverages but girls (as sexist as it is) it's so unattractive particularly on women. Don’t get me wrong it has it’s time and its place – just not every second word you’re shouting across the pub.
• When your dress is short. You need to keep an eye on it. The drunker you get the better looking you don’t. If you are incapable of knowing get a friend to be on watch and keep an eye out. Thank them with a kebab on the way home.

Okay so the morale of this blog is alcohol should only be drunk by the wise. I am not wise, but I like to think I’m fun so I’ll allow it. By the way though, I’m super good now. Now I’m old and struggle to make it past lock out…Whoopsie! nearly wrote lock up (and locked up I have not). Now that would have been a terrible error. CHEERS!

YOUR THE BEST. RACHI xx