Been awhile.

Hey sheepies. It has been a very long time since I wrote and you tried to read. I say try because my spelling and punctuation could use some help but I figure if the content is somewhat entertaining then screw you punctuation Natzis. Auto correct is useless also, just on a side note. I don't like you trying to correct words with 'Z' instead of 'S'. It's organisation arsehole, shit move. Yeah and that fuzzy line you put under arsehole I'm not changing it despite you, it's not ass hole. 

So last time I wrote I think it was Christmas and I was still on a natural high from Santa. Yeah this year Santa could have probably acquired some legal marijuana (that whole Cancer thing has massive perks) however I  do mean the natural high you get from receiving great gifts, like pillow pets. Which I now snuggle every night and which do receive sneaky kisses on occasion..

So lets start with the juicey stuff... My blender works a treat and it's smoothie central over here. Jokes! Let's take a glance at the boys, boys, boys...When I repeat it like that it makes it seem a lot so I feel important or like a massive slut, either way at least I'm not boring.

Last time I checked though... The lads have been placed "on hold" after an unfortunate accident [see prior blog]. 

The rule my mother taught me: "we'll it can't hurt" was a complete and utter lie. This rule was brought to my attention  when she gave me a vitamin because I seemed tiered and grumpy and exams were coming up. Her famous last words, "Just take it Rach, it can't hurt!" 

9 days later...

"Barb I haven't pooped in nine days what have you done?"

Long story short Vitamins have a high level of iron and in fact they can cause large amounts of discomfort and hurt. So when you've got an exam to sit, the risk of taking laxatives is a risk far too great BUT at least I 'passed' - in more ways than one.

Okay so enough about poo stories because chicks don't poo.

Ahhh boys. Well I've been on a couple of very unsuccessful dates. I'm thinking I'm in Melbie now I can date whoever and if it's not great then I don't have to see the, ever again... Great in theory. Terrible in practice.

Date #1:

Went to movies. Bad idea. One because we had dinner first which was at 7.00 pm and the movie was at 9.20 pm which is frankly a lot of pressure for small talk and when he feels the need to talk the whole 2hrs and 20 minutes was quite painful. He talked about "mummy" and "daddy", and his tales at his pompous, religious, school choir, school days although he was well and truely finished and clearly living in the past. He dabbled with conversations about all his acquaintances and how they live in a 'Brighton bubble.' Safe to say the wankers can stay in the bubbles and not mix with  us commoners and peasants whom catch public transport.

 If I could say 5 things to him;

1. About time you moved out from mummy's house and stop referring to her as mummy. It is weird and creepy.
2. Eric banner lives near by does he? Oh that's fantastic you must be best friends and if you're going to name drop at least call him The Hulk.


3. If you know the different between drapes and curtains don't refer to the amazing drapes and interior of the restaurant you dined in.


4. You chuck a party, you don't host a party and a crazy night does not involve murder mystery. Unless you actually killed someone which then may spice your horrendously boring party.


5. Yes its sad that your Grandpa died, but that was 10 years ago and you're really clutching if that's your pity story. And when you say you work in a hospital in the cancer ward and tell me you have no idea what it's like... WAIT, ALAS! There is more. He said he looks after a lot of patients after they have been in some pretty bad car accidents.You're are lucky I didn't snot you in the face. Let's compare stories and see who wins. Haha I could of said endless things to make an awkward situation instead I said. Yes I can't even imagine how that would be, I guess it's lucky you don't know them. Haha awkies (I do!).

Date #2: 

Consisted of a relatively good night. He got me drunk. Now I'm not one for making him pay but he did insist... and I did get drunk for free. It was a pretty cool, laid back place -The Provincial. Nice and cruisey evening you would think. WRONG! He over analysed everything. I told him he was quite high strung, but he was nice - so I persevered.... However when the dates done and dusted and the next day he has an engagement day party and he jokes that he'll drunk call and you laugh. Well that's not so funny when you wake up the next day with 3 essay, long msgs and 5 missed calls post 3am.

However the good person that I am I went on date #2 - terrible idea. Maybe I wasn't going in with the right mindset... Oh shit no I did. We were going bowling... Didn't realised he was going like he was bowling for fucking Australia. Then kept insisting we put up bumpers. I was okay, knocking some pins over. Not getting massive score. I just found it plain annoying him trying to teach me the correct technique when he was clearly shit house and needed the bumpers for himself.

The whole ten minutes it took to bowl one game - we both decided it was time to give up. I was home by 9 after he asked me if I wanted to go home. I said, "we aren't actually doing anything and its all a bit weird" he proceeded to be all like dumb founded.  Anyway I continued on with, "you are just very stressful and my life's stressful enough without you analysing everything of every date. It makes me stress out and I don't need it."

So I felt I was honest and whether he liked it or not I was not going to be even meaner and lead him on. Okayyyyyyy so wait for this.... Somebody got a little his back up and came back with this:

"Maybe you should look at your self a bit more and not change when your around me because I stress but doesn't mean you have too. So maybe just look a bit closer to home!"

Okay stalker, arsehole behind closed doors, enjoy your life. I copped it on the chin and happily caught the train home. Although I did buy a 500ml cider and discussed with the bottle-o guy how great I look strolling the streets of Flemington at near dark, with a paper bag drink in my hand.

Surely I'm not the only one with horror stories?

YOUR THE BEST,

RACHI METS xxx

P.s: Randomly... Did you know that yabbies are mostly vegetarians and the only reason they go for meat is when you put it in the net is because they want to keep their environment clean? I need a yabby-man. Also my dad told my the vegetarian story and I have yet to validate it with any reliable source but whether  or not it's true - I kinda like the story. So let me believe it. Some people choose god but I choose to believe in somewhat vego yabbies.