Wanna Hook Up? Want Cash? - No thanks.

Hello Sheepies it's been over two months since I wrote you. It has been so long between posts because so little has happened... Well a new year happened! Quickly followed by another birthday! Yep, that sums it up - thanks for reading.

Jokes. There's a little more...

Now I have been promising a wonderful blog to you all. A follow up on my last one. The last one, Tinder. If you don't know what it is Google it... I cannot be bothered explaining it again. Or you can just read the last one, although shame on you for skipping it. 

So my Tinder profile had a description. I felt it was needed to separate myself from desperate needy women firing off 50 questions  (which I was about to do) however I'm guessing theirs are based around marriage and children, mine not so much. If I was going to pepper these people with questions I may as well state the real reasons why. Children and marriage have never been high on my radar. Let's be honest.
So in my description on tinder I put: Hi my name's Rach, I write and blog and I have written one on Tinder. If you could spare a few minutes, I'd love to ask you some questions. Of course no real names will be used. Please type a message stating "blog" and I'll fire away. Cheers."

Firstly the response was overwhelming and yes I did click yes on EVERYONE. Yes every age, every race. I yes'd the whole tinder population. It took me about an hour and over the course of the next week and 600 odd matches about 80 of them spoke to me. 

My best conversation on Tinder goes to this bad boy. 
Perhaps I'll set the scene... 
"T'was the 11th of November at 10.35am. Such a fitting day for the conversation that is to follow, lest we forget. This man had a singular photo. He was sporting a fat, silky, pink tie, with a 3 piece suit and a somewhat lazy eye. The following conversation is directly copied and pasted."

HIM: How are you?

HIM: Wanna hook up?

ME: No thank you

HIM: Want cash?

ME: Oh yeah well if you’re offering money sure.

HIM: How much for a bj

ME: What’s a bj?

HIM Blowjob

ME: And what’s that?

HIM: Um sucking on my cock

ME: Oh really? And you pay people to do this?

HIM: Yer for it ?

ME: How much do you pay people?

HIM: How much u want for it?

ME: What’s the going rate?

HIM: $60

ME: I’ll politely decline. I’d pay more for a good meal and it’d be probably more enjoyable

HIM: How much then?

ME: $1,000,000.

HIM: $100.00

ME: ,00

HIM:  No $100 yes or no?

ME: As much as I would love 100.00 I would never like to put your penis in my mouth. And also I feel like what you’re asking is highly illegal.

HIM: Handjov then?

HIM: Handjob

HIM: Handjob for $100 is easy money

This conversation was followed up with several questions marks by "HIM" over a period of a week. 

?

????

???

?

??

Unfortunately communication has since ceased... Damn, he could of been "the one." I imagined he would wear that big, fat, silky, pink tie to the wedding. 

I admit it. I met a man from Tinder. We went to the movies. We saw Bad Grandpa. If you have met me. You know I like a chuckle. So when I was bellowing outrageously and possibly snorting in the cinema the poor guy must of been super embarrassed. I WAS THAT GIRL. Too involved, too amused, too loud. 
There was actually a moment when I considered evicting myself because I found it hard to regain focus... I pulled through and ended up seeing the movie again two nights later.

Anyway the guy was pretty nice. He smelt good, chose his outfit well, he bought the ticket and was quite the gentleman. I thought yep he looked like his profile and he showed up, good on him. It was a successful movie 'date.' I put date in ' ' because technically I don't even really think it was a date. More a catchup... I think catchup is more appropriate because I wore ripped jeans and thongs.

Hangggg on a tick you say? Sounds too simple? Wouldn't everybody get aboard the Tinder Train if that was the case? Well... Turns out he did tell a small lie. A 9 year white lie... Oh no sorry it was 8 at the time. He was only 39. Since then he turned 40. 

From my friends I have had two major reactions:

• Age is just a number if you get along you get along. 

• Rachel what on earth are you doing. What the hell do you have in common? 

I understand both of these views. I get it! I get that it may not be socially acceptable to many. I get that when he was doing VCE I was chilling out in Mum's womb, I get that. 

FYI: The guy keeps well AND he has an aircon which has proven awesome in the heatwave.

The other thing I should mention, which was pre age reveal and is super funny is... 
He told me that I wasn't allowed to fall in love with him. In my head I thought, okay Mandy Moore let's chill the fuck out (If you don't know this reference it's in regards to the movie, A Walk To Rememeber. Mandy Moore plays a  loser/quiet girl with terminal cancer (not revealed until later in the show). She starts tutoring a popular boy and tells the popular boy at school not to fall in love with her. He ignores her, falls in love with her and marries her before *SPOILER ALERT* she dies).

You are so welcome for the spoiler alert... Although if you haven't seen the movie in the 12 years, you are probably not going too.

Moving on...

Me and Tinder and I have parted ways. Although I would recommend a trialling it with friends, if only for  laugh.

I feel that I should splash a safety message here. ONLY MEET IN A PUBLIC PLACE!
You do not want to be that girl in the media. You know the one who had her private, internet dating life splashed all over the news. To then come to the conclusion she actually just slipped and fell down the stairs. Imagine waking up to find out your disabled and the world knew you were on RSVP. That's quite the nightmare. 

In conclusion, Tinder made me a new friend. So A + to you! I have left whilst we are on good terms. I shall postpone internet dating until I'm of a suitable age... or have a minimum of 4 cats.

YOU'RE THE BEST,
RACHI METS xxx