Tinder

Hello Sheepies,

How are you all this horrible November day? You're probably thinking I'm only saying this because I went out last night and I'm feeling very hung over.  I regret to inform you, I am not hungover and I am in fact speaking about the disgraceful weather Spring has provided us today and this week. Yes, you know you're old when weather is now topic of conversation.

Secondly, nothing exciting and or funny has happened to me since my last blog. So I have no funny date stories. I do have one boy story. It includes slight heartbreak but funnily enough a very happy ending. Not going to indulge in this one though, it's not overly entertaining. Blog worthy... I think not.

There was perhaps an opportunity for story when I went to the pub after work one day, accompanied by 3 beautiful laddies. I was in a room full of what to appeared to be fairly decent, drunken men who had spent the day at Oaks Day. Poor, old Rach had been working all day and could barely keep her head up or eyes open and was in bed with her boyfriend pillow t by 8.15 pm so no stories eventuated.

Okay so I have a giant confession. I may cop a lot of flack for this. Yes it was partially influenced by friends but the overall decision to join was my curiosity.  

I have so much feedback on the topic and it's too funny to keep a secret. I have been pretty, bloody honest this far, see previous blogs, haha. WHY STOP NOW?! If my awful dating history provides humour to peopl, then they haven't been for nothing.

For those of you who do not know what Tinder is I have Googled you a an answer.

tinder
ˈtɪndə/

noun

1. 1.

   dry, flammable material, such as wood or paper, used for lighting a fire.

   "they slashed down the undergrowth for tinder"

Hahaha, that's one answer... Not the kind you were expecting!

So here is the summary I think that does the best job of explaining what the app Tinder is. I scabbed this summary from the Sydney Morning Herald:

"For us singletons, Tinder is a free app that turns your smartphone into a virtual catalogue of the opposite sex and makes finding a date feel like flicking through your favourite magazine or weekend paper."

I definitely suggest you give at go, just for the laughs or to understand this blog.

I joined, 80% for research purposes HOWEVER if I didn't write about it I probably would of signed up anyway.

I entered with three questions. I have done my best to find the answers. 

1) Who are these people?  

They told me that they were students, some type or corporate job, tradie or people between jobs as they lived an awesome life travelling the world. Whether or not that's true is another thing... But they were the four main answers.

2) What do they want? 

Depends... Mostly the statement "a bit fun" cropped up. Apparently replying, yeah I'm always up for a good time. I enjoy bored games, shopping and am humoured by cat memes were not the answers they are after.

3) Most importantly... Are they good looking?

Occasionally they were, consistently they weren't. Each to their own though, I'm sure there's plenty of people willing to click yes they probably say the same about me.

Now... For the sake of research (as I am a heterosexual) I also changed my sex to male so I could see what my competition was like. Now there were some banging ladies who are either doing it: to help their self-esteem issues, enjoy casual sex, or are a little bit crazy (kind of like Ally from the Bachelor, nice girl but if a girl was telling you she loves you after 4 weeks you'd be running for the hills).

On second part of my discovery I found out what types of men are on Tinder and what their photos say about them:

1) ANIMAL  PHOTOS:

• Holding some type of sea creature whether it be a crustation, shark or fish.
• Thailand/Bali Photo with either a drugged upped tiger or a monkey on a chain.
• Pet dog shot, yeah it's great to see how generous and caring you are.

2) WOMEN PHOTOS:

• Clearly have a girfly/wifey. This proves they're desirable to someone, but anyone with any morals would hopefully not take a second look.
• Same girl in every photo. She's usually hot. You hope it's their sister or friend but then you think why do you only have one friend. 
• Wedding photo. I'm supper happy you're married. I'm sure your wife is just as happy that you're on Tinder.

3) SELFIE PHOTOS:

• Usually topless with giant muscles and no hair. It shows a lot of focus and commitment that you work out. It does not look like you do roids, and have nothing better to do with your time.
• Mirror photo. Enough said.. 

4) MUSIC PHOTOS:

• Classic DJ snap. Can get you into parties or name on the door - they probably know really cool people too that you have actually never heard of.
• Festival shot with guns out in an over sized singlet. Can obviously get you the best pills, to have the best time ever as apparently you can't have a good time sober.
• Acoustic guitar shot. Probably in sepia. Show's they can write a song about you and they are in touch with their emotions.

5) "PAPARAZZI" SHOTS:

• Having a "famous" person in the photo... We all know you bumped into them randomly once and begged them for a photo cos your a big fan. Now you  are trying to portray that you are friends with a minor celebrity. With the exception  of one guy was in a photo with Bear Grylls. I respect that. And we all know Bear loves a bit of Tinder.

6) GLOBE TROTTER PHOTOS:

• Travel shots. Yeah, yeah, yeah... We've all got those friends or is that friend that litter news feeds about there amazing travels and life long Contiki friends they;ve made. I'm partially jealous about them and I partially hate you.

7) MATE SHOTS:

• Mates shot. This is a good one, cos there is a huge chance if you are on tinder you have none, so I admire you trying to shake the stigma.
• Only group mates shot. This is a great one if you have pretty friends because a girl may think that you are actually one of your good looking friends and it's not your fault she doesn't know which one you are. Just wait to you meet up and you see the look of disappointment that you are the friend with red hair.

8) ACTION SHOTS:

• Extreme shot. When you went skydiving or bungy jumping cos you are a thrill seeker, wild guy.
• Motorsport. Yeah cos chicks dig cars and motorbikes. Yep, good call.
• Sport shot. I actually don't mind the old footy photo. No judgements on this one. 
• Water-skiing and snowboarding. Same thing just ones a hot version.

10) AGE PHOTOS:

• When they are clearly lying about their age. Boys who like they left the womb about 10 years ago claiming they are 22 you aren't fooling anyone. Frankly they should even know about Tinder...
• Actually they probably logged onto Dad's account. Leading to my next point. Old men, with wrinkles, polo tops and grey hair. We know you are also not 22. I put you in the same category as the guys who have girlfys. Bad people.

11) SOMEONE WHO HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE A TAGLINE:

• Who takes the time to write something? Bit odd. This crops up quite a lot...  " I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany." (Ron Burgundy: 2004)

12) MUTUAL FRIENDS/FRIENDS:

• Sometimes whether or not I think they're cute if we have mutual friends I just click them so I can ask them how they know them.
• I have come across many people I know. It's unfortunate that most of them have girlfriends or wives and I was under the impression that they were good people so I do question the integrity of such individuals. I think to myself if only their girlfriends knew. I never would reveal them, however if they do read this I think if you love your girlfy perhaps delete the account. Maybe, perhaps I've sparked some fear? 

13) HUMOUR SHOT:

• I like these too. I like a guy who will dress up at a party and is funny. Good on him. 

14) RANDOM FACT:

• I seen a dwarf on there once. Before I realised I'd already clicked no... See that's a risk you take when your constantly saying no. You get into this rhythm and before you realise the dwarf is gone.

In conclusion, I found Tinder initially was quite addictive. Perusing all these people you don't know and when you get a match it does inflate ones self esteem. In the end I was playing it like a game and I'm pretty competitive. EVEN  if they were ugly I was still flattered.

Questions I bet you would ask me...

1. Would I meet any of these people? No. Sadly I wouldn't. 
2. Would I judge anyone who did? No I wouldn't do that either. I would probably encourage a friend to go on a date. If a date was an option? I could vicariously live a Tinder life through someone else as I am not willing to do it.

So... Long story short, it's been rather funny. I shall however keep my dates to those people I meet out, in the flesh. Do check back in with me when I hit 30... I may consider it before I start my cat family. 

Side Note: Who would have thought Tinder would break my 5,000 views! Okay so it may be wishful thinking but I hope it does! Feel free to subscribe to get my blog via email.

#YOLO

YOU'RE THE BEST, RACHI METS xx