Moving out

Yes, I still live with my parents. 21 years old. I still like my Ma cooking my meals, my Ma washing my clothes and my ability to fill up the car – free of charge.

As I went to Uni I rolled with… ‘I’m at university, I’m a full-time student and it’s too expensive to move out.’ Now I’m going to have to move out... when I get this job of course. I saw a job advertised on Seek; attractive men and women between 20-25 to escort people to dinners (non-sexual). So if worst comes to worst I’ll lose a few pounds and become a ‘non prostitute.’ Good pay - $50-$80 an hour. I think I could keep a conversation running for at least three hours so it's minimum $150 for a night.  My issue is with Seek. How dare they advertise that ‘position’ under the category of promotions/marketing/sales. It's not okay to sell yourself - non-sexually of course! I love how they outlined non-sexual. Is that their way of subtlety advertising for hookers?

On another note…its okay, I think I’m ready... I’m ready to fly the coop. I have been for awhile actually. I’m ready for a new and exciting change. Perth, Brisbane, Melbourne? Yeah, maybe! If they want me! Bendigo certainly has gotten over Rachel Metelmann.

Perth has a lot to offer;

Its no Eiffel Tower, but its pretty pointy!

A lot of my friends have lives, you know go to work or uni. I lack both of these, you all know this. Everyone’s like what are you doing? I should have a ton of free time but I don’t know where it goes. I apply for jobs, I sleep in and by the time I’ve watered my veggie patch the days all but gone.

Speaking of veggies… My veggies are HUGE! Huger than yours! My watermelon is heavy and it’s getting plump. I’m excited! The day I pick that watermelon will be the greatest day of my life. Don’t get me wrong passing Uni was ok…BUT picking that watermelon will allow me to live the dream! I’m sure that’s what Martin Luther King was talking about. The dream to pick his own watermelon, and we all know he was a great man.

Living at home with my fresh produce has made me a chef. Yes not a cook a chef. Once you can crack an egg with one hand you turn from a cook to a chef. I will make a great housewife (minus the kids and husband, not because I don’t want them but because they don’t want me – it’s a bit like Bendigo. Society believes women have a desire to bear child and wed. Well I challenge you society! I will prove that I can live an amazing, fulfilling life with no child and no I’m not a lesbian. What a shock! What a shock if I was? Don’t you reckon? Would you pick me as a lesbian? Nothing wrong with that but I enjoy males, masculine males. The males who don’t groom a whole lot but stay hygienic wash themselves regularly.

Okay so this isn’t a singles advert. I was talking about moving out. Oh yes! A wise woman once told me you should have at least 3 postcodes in your lifetime. I’m inclined to agree with her. However I have had three postcodes due to Australia Post changing them so I guess I’ve found a loop hole…

YOUR THE BEST, RACHI METS xx